The finale opened with the women getting ready to gather once more at the season's last party. (Sadly for them it was at the Chamber of Commerce's 100th birthday party for Beverly Hills. That meant plastic cups and dreary looking appetizers of shish kebab tomatoes and cheese.) Yolanda arrived with her hair swept back into curls and heart aflame with righteousness. Is Lisa her Hollywood friend or a real friend. (After tonight scornful enemy should be an option.) Kyle per usual wore a too tight dress whose straps she was constantly adjusting. Brandi's dress was beautiful, as was her date Drew, who just so happened to be black which I'm not saying was a calculated move on her part but you know she's going to bring it up at the reunion if she's accused again of being a racist.Kim arrived on the arm of an extremely twiggy Joyce and Michael. Carlton was there too.
"I feel really sad, that's the problem," said Lisa in the limo on the way over. "I feel really hungry, that's the problem," countered Ken, rather sensibly. Since Puerto Rico Lisa had ignored Kyle's texts and not reached out to Brandi. She was over these women before she arrived, and Ken had appointed himself her surly guard dog lest anyone dare give his women, whom he lovingly, if somewhat naively, considers infallible it this whole mess.
At the party Brandi wandered over to say hello to Carlton, whose time on the finale was blessedly brief. Brandi picked up on Carlton's chilliness and warned her former makeout buddy that Lisa was pulling her strings now. Carlton refused to be labeled a puppet—she detests labels, unless she's the one assigning them—and wondered when she could turn the conversation around to bashing Kyle.
Across the party Yolanda slid up next to a very aloof Lisa. "Hi Yolanda," said Lisa. "Helloooo darlin,'" said Yolanda, going in for a double kiss. Classic Hollywood friend move! Kyle joined their group which meant Ken did a drive by with some liquid courage for his wife. Apparently Ken had yet to avail himself of a tomato kebab because he was very hangry with the women, refusing to make eye contact or crack a smile. Yolanda did not approve. And when Lisa turned her back on them, refusing to engage about their sudden abandonment in Puerto Rico Yolanda was done. "I haven't seen Beyonce with that kind of an attitude," she said.
"You are listening to silly women talk," Ken warns us all.
Kim took a few drags off her fuschia-flaring sparkly electronic cigarette and then made her way over to Ken. She gave him a sincere apology, saying perhaps she shouldn't have called him a grumpy old man, but Ken wasn't interested. Someone get this man a baby lamb chop! He shrugged her off and went to go sit by himself and smoke a real cigarette. Meanwhile Lisa pulled Kyle aside and said she had a choice. Does she believe her or Brandi and Yolanda? (A question Lisa herself wasn't able to answer when Kyle posed it to her at the reunion last year.) All Kyle wants is an apology for perhaps snickering over a tabloid at her expense and a sincere promise that Lisa is her real friend. Lisa, who of course had a little fun at Kyle's expense with this infamous tabloid but refuses at this point to admit it, was over it. She'd dug herself over something petty into a hole and now her only defense was disdainful fatigue.
Brandi was waiting for Lisa to approach her but since that clearly wasn't happening she finally pulled the woman aside. Brandi seemed to have boiled her grievances down to Lisa's allegiance with Scheana and the feeling that she'd been used and abused callously for the sake of drama. "You know what really upset me?" said. Brandi held up her hand to shut Lisa down. "No, I don't know and I don't care. This is about me and Brandi wanting an answer," she said. "I've been under your spell for two years.You're intoxicating, you're beautiful, you're everything that's pretty, I want to believe everything that comes out of your mouth. The truth is I'm better off on my own." Brandi was all over the place, unsure if she was embarrassed for idolizing Lisa so much or hurt that she'd been replaced as a BFF or pissed that she'd been used as Lisa's mouthy sidekick. Lisa tried to promise Brandi something but the younger woman shut her down saying there was nothing sincere behind her eyes.
At this point even Mauricio and Ken were having it out. Mauricio just wanted some straight answers away from the hysteria of finger-pointing clusters. But then Lisa joined their cocktail table. Soon enough Brandi and Yolanda had mosied over, Yolanda changing the subject Ken's false charges of her stupidity. This wasn't at all what Mauricio had in mind, so the men shuffled off and Ken promised him that he had been nothing but loyal to his longtime friend and that his wife would never, never, have indulged in such nonsense. (I do wonder if after viewing the season adorable, faithful, rock steady Ken had a flicker of doubt.) The nastiest exchange of the evening was between Ken and Yolanda. She was aghast at his behavior toward a woman; he was disgusted by her and the so-called standard set by her continually absent Saint David. Ken and Lisa stormed off, with Lisa shrugging off Kyle's grabbing at her to stay. Outside Lisa was sanguine about the fracas, and sure that a nightcap at SUR could make everything better.
Some lingering concerns as we wait for the women to get into it at the Reunion:
Has there ever been a duller mystery than the case of the disappearing blue necklace?
Will Brandi and Lisa be given lie detector tests at the reunion?
And dear God, please someone save lovely Portia from the clutches of a child star talent agent.
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